I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
