It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
