It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
