i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My feet surprised me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
