just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
