I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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