Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
