A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
