it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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