Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
