Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
