I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
