So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
