but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
