My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
