no, he came in my armpit
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
