I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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