i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
