idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
