i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
God I need to hump something, right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
