her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
