He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You made out with two different species that night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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