Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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