On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
