Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
