Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
