I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
