my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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