Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
