hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
