I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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