Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
