just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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