omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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