I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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