If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
