peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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