were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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