I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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