The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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