I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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