I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
