Who did Billy Mays play for?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
