I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
