he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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