ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
