moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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