You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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