There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
