Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
