if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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