it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
