I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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