Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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